9:57 pm - Tuesday, Feb. 12, 2008
To fill you in...
Oh so thankful for having internet again. I've missed it greatly.

So, what's been going on....not a lot. I just work and stay at home. I don't have a lot of fun anymore. I'm too exhausted to do anything. I've been taking a lot of training classes for work on my weekends off. And that makes me feel like I have no time off. But it's helping and I'm now CPR certified. I might possibly save a life or something.

No ladies in my life. The last few I've tried to date haven't worked out.

Megan turned out to be a crazy lady. We dated about a month and she told me she was in love with some guy. That was that. But thens he turned around and ended up marrying some OTHER guy and is now pregnant.

Then there was Brandi, not to be confused with California Brandy, the love of my life for the last few years. She was nice and we went out a few times. But I couldn't make myself feel anything for her. There just wasn't anything there.

Next we have Alene, who I met online in like May or so. She was living with her boyfriend at the time, so we were just friends. Then at the end of December she told me she broke up with him and wanted to see where we went. So, I finally actually met her in person, on what I thought was just going to be hanging out. But it turned into awesome sex. I saw her a couple days later and that turned into more awesome sex. And she told me she didn't want to be in a relationship with a woman or anyone. We still talk, but haven't seen her since.

Now there's no one. But we moved into this lovely apartment last week. We signed the lease on Thursday and were moved completely in by Saturday. Talk about power moving. I really like it. Never lived in an apartment before but it's alright. Rent is cheaper than the house we were living in, for the same amount of space.

But I'm having some weird displacement issues right now. I'm not sure what I'm talking about, my emotions are all over the place. I'm lonely, as usual, and being around Ashleigh and Anna makes it harder sometimes. I like living with them but I get so jealous of their relationship. I'm not sure really if its that they love each other so much or if it's because I have feelings for Ashleigh still.

If you didn't know, I work with Ashleigh, in the same room for 7 hours a day, then come home to her. I hate saying all of this, but sometimes I really want her. I want to love her and have her love me back. This isn't all the time, because she gets on my nerves more than anyone. She's so controlling and bossy and bitchy. Then again, I'm so sexually attracted to her, I don't know what to do with myself.

This is just me venting. It's not like I'd ever admit it to her or we couldn't live or work together. It would all be over.

Her and Anna want to have a baby. I don't think it's a good idea, but that's not my place to say anything. They're trying to find a sperm donor, which they have found one, but who knows if that's going to work out. Right now, they are waiting until Anna finds a job, because she's been fired from 3 jobs in the last 4 months. So not a stable situation to bring a child into. But you can't talk sense into them.

Whatever.

I keep forgetting to mention this, but I've gotten back into my spiritual side. I've found a church that I absolutely love. I've been going since September. It's in North Little Rock, a non-denominational (sp?) church that is for GLBT people. A very open minded, free to worship how you please, kind of church. And I've never felt so comfortable there. They are mostly older people, but it's an atmosphere that is awesome.

Let's see, I think that's about it for now. I'll be back though.

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