9:40 pm - Saturday, March 22, 2008
The sad with the happy
Before I go into anything good going on in my life, there is something I'm very upset about.

My dear friend Sara, who joined the Air Force last August, called me this afternoon and told me that she is being deployed to Iraq in June. I knew this would happen. What I didn't expect was the fact that she volunteered to go. They did not want to send her at this point, but she insisted they did.

It's unfathomable to me that she would want to go. I've never agreed with her decision to join the military, to fight a pointless war. But have decided to support her in her choice to do so.

I'm just upset. I worry for her and her safety. I know a lot of people go and a lot of people come back, but it's the "what ifs" that plague me. I cried as she was telling me this. She's been such a good friend to me and I don't want anything to happen to her. Hopefully everything will be okay. I'll just pray for her.

On to other things, so far I've had wonderful weekend with Jessica. She came over last night and we watched a movie. She's a total zombie movie lover. And that's cool, I liked the one she made me watch. It's fine with me, just not my cup of tea. She ended up staying the night at my house. And surprisingly, I actually slept with her there. I have never been able to sleep in a bed with someone else. I'm comfortable with her. We spent all day together today. Went to see a movie, which is something other than laying in my bed cuddling.

Might of had more fun at the movie in a groping kind of way, had there not been someone she knew from work there. I'm not out at work and neither is she and even though this city is bigger than where I'm from, it's still like a small town. You run into people that you don't want to and it's hard to be affectionate with that on your mind. And she and I can't seem to keep our hands off each other. So it's a slight problem, but nothing major. If I lose my job because I'm a lesbian, then so be it. I've decided to not disrupt my happiness because of other people's opinions.

Anyway, still no sexual activity and it's frustrating but actually really nice to not rush for a change. It's coming though, I feel it. Yay.

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