10:04 pm - Sunday, Mar. 30, 2008
On a serious note
I'm a little all over the place right now. I'm really happy but worried.

I'm still seeing Jessica and it's really great. We spent all weekend together. I adore her and we keep getting closer. She makes me happy.

I had a scare last night with her. We were kind of fooling around and she got weird on me like something was wrong. Turned out we just needed to talk about things.

We've been seeing each other for 3 weeks now, seeing each other 5 days out of the week pretty much and talking in all the between times. And we talk a lot but not really about anything too serious. We've been avoiding the subject of our pasts and who we've slept with.

I was worried because I've been with a lot of people and I know it's a high number and figured she hadn't been with many people. Very worried that would freak her out and it did a little. She's pretty innocent, it turns out.

We talked about all important things that we have gone through. I put all my shit out on the table. My sexual past, the swingers parties, the threesomes and that one time I had a foursome....being engaged for a brief amount of time, my miscarriage, the cutting, the depression, basically everything.

And she still wants to see me. That blows me away. That's a lot of shit to handle. But I care about her a lot and the connection I have with her is unlike any I've had with another person before. I miss her when I'm not with her. I'm very much falling for her.

She was worried that her inexperience with relationships and sex would make me run away and it's not going to. I assured her of that.

We are back to good now and I know her better now, that makes me happy. After that tense conversation, we proceeded to have amazing sex 4 times in less 24 hours. Very surprised that I went 3 weeks seeing this girl before I slept with her, especially after the amount of time we have spent together in my bed. A step up for me, I must say.

But she slightly hurt my feelings last night. She asked me why I never went to college. I explained that I've never really knew what I wanted to do and then there was the whole depression thing I went through. I asked her if it bothered her that I didn't go. She said a little bit. But not a whole lot and she's not judgemental. Still bugs me that it seems she's thinking down on me a little for that. Maybe it's just a small thing to worry about.

I think eventually she's going to realize that she's going to be successful in life and I'm just doing my thing and not really going anywhere. We come from different family backgrounds. Her parents are a lawyer and a nurse. Mine have mediocre jobs that they've had forever. I'm headed down that road too. I just want to live and do things that make me happy. Not everyone sees that as a good thing.

previous - next