7:50 pm - Tuesday, Apr. 15, 2008
The battle of happiness
Hmm, it's been awhile. Been so busy and not had time for a lot of things. I swear most of my time is spent with Jessica.

We are surprisingly still together. The longest relationship I've had in a long long time. And obviously the best and most healthy relationship I've ever had.

Since I last updated, I met her parents last weekend. Never have I met someone's parents. I was so nervous and freaking out. But turns out it wasn't so bad and they liked me. I liked them too.

I stayed the night with her. She's living with her family till she gets out of school next year. So, that was awkward but okay. Also hard because her mom isn't so into her being gay. Does not like it. And since we can't seem to keep our hands off each other, it was was hard not to be able to touch her all the time. Totally ended up having sex in her bed when everyone else went to bed though, lol.

We have had a lot of sex in a very short amount of time. Jesus. But it's amazing and more satisfying than anything else I've ever done.

I am totally falling for this girl. I'm happy about that, then again I'm scared. And I try not to let her see that I'm scared but when I get to thinking about it, I act a little weird with her. She noticed it last night and got a little weird with me too. We talked and she's just worried that she's not enough for me and that because everything is so good with us, that's it going to end.

I'm afraid I'm going to get hurt. Because I've been hurt a lot. Even though I don't see her hurting me. She's not going to cheat on me or treat me bad. She's a good person with a very good heart. You don't find that often. It's a little too good to be true.

We want so many of the same things and that's important. We get along really well. No fights so far. She's been with me through two boughts of pms and has survived. That is an amazing thing. Because I am a crazy lady when I have pms. I cry A LOT and get pissy with everyone. She's a brave lady.

I cry a lot with her. Mostly because I'm happy and the way makes me feel and all the sweet things she says about me. I can't help but cry. And then I cry when I have to tell her shit about my past and I can tell she doesn't approve, but still likes me enough that it doesn't matter. It amazes me that she likes me for who I am and my quirky ways.

Things are good. And now for non-Jessica related items. My dear friend Stacy gave birth 2 weeks ago to a beautiful baby girl, on April Fool's Day. Ava Brianne....a little tiny baby, she was only about 6lbs. She's so small and adorable.

I want a baby now. I mean not right now, but in the near future. I'm ready for one emotionally, not so much financially. I have to get my shit together before I do that.

Ashleigh and Anna are in the midst of their trying to get pregnant. They did the whole sperm donor thing about a month ago and not sure of the result just yet. Don't think it took though. Which is a good thing if it didn't. They are so not ready. Anna is still unemployed. She did manage to get a job, but was then fired for the 4th time since October.

It frustrates me. They think they have everything figured out. They suck with money, they spend it as fast as they get it on stupid shit. They were too broke to buy things that we take turns buying for the house. So I had to end up buying again. I pay my part of the bills and rent, for Anna to sit on her ass all day using all the utilities I pay for and not doing shit. It's so unfair. I don't clean the house because I pay for her to live here for free. Then I get bitched at for not doing anything. Why should I? I work my ass off. I work more than Ashleigh.

This has become a bitchfest, because I'm so tired of it. Ashleigh keeps getting mad at me because I spend so much time with Jessica and don't talk to her as much or spend time with them anymore. When up until I met Jess, I spent all my time time with them, all day at work with Ash, then at home, all I did was hang out with them. I got kind of burned out on them. Now my attention is going towards someone else. I think she's jealous. She calls me a fake friend. Sorry that I can't be there for you at all times of the day.

I don't know, for a little while there, it was just a lot of fighting with them and wasn't getting anywhere. Of course, during that whole time we were pms-ing like crazy ladies. Didn't help it at all. But whatever.

I just want to do what makes me happy and being with Jess makes me happy. Hard to get everyone else to see it my way though.

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