11:58 pm - Saturday, May. 10, 2008
Tessa grows
I get distracted to the point of forgetting many things in my life that were at one time very important. I've avoided friends and I feel bad. I'm just too busy or too lazy or too tired or spending my time with Jess.

I am so in love with this girl. This love takes over me so completely. She's always on my mind and I miss her the second she's away from me.

This week hasn't been so great. We've both worked a lot and she's been sick. And we've had a weird vibe between us. Last weekend she stayed at my house from Friday night until late Sunday night. I loved every minute of it. But I guess I needed alone time and hinted that I wanted her to go. So she left and I thought we were okay. But apparently I hurt her feelings and it seemed like I just kicked her out. That wasn't my intention. So we had a bit of a fight, not really a fight but a...thing. And I felt horrible that I hurt her feelings. She said she thought we should probably needed to not spend so much time together. And we haven't this week, just seen her a few times.

It has sucked. I don't like not seeing her. I don't like not being able to cuddle with her. My bed is not the same without her, so very lonely.

Anyway, I took Jess home to meet my family the weekend before last. Yes, I finally did it. My mom got to meet someone I'm dating. But I'm chicken shit and mom thinks she's only my friend. It's too hard but I will tell her the truth at some point because I love Jess more than anything in the world.

Honestly, I want to marry this girl. Is that irrational to feel so strongly so early? We have passed our 2 month mark this week. We have talked very seriously lately and we both feel the same way. I can see myself marrying her and having babies. I'm serious. If this doesn't work out, it may kill me. That's crazy, I know. But I've never felt this way before.

On that trip home, we had dinner with my friends Mike and Lori too and they loved her. Was going to take her to meet Stacy, but she was busy.

OH and I'm thrilled, Sara is coming home on June 1st to stay a week before she goes back and then goes to Iraq. I'm so excited to see her. I miss Sara so much. And Jess shall get to meet her and the rest of my friends then.

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